


No night lasts forever

by NotAfraid



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: AU, Bordell-AU, Drug Abuse, Hydra, Multi, Poledance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2015-09-10
Packaged: 2018-04-20 02:04:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4769444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotAfraid/pseuds/NotAfraid





	No night lasts forever

“A fair slim boy,   
Not made for this worlds pain.  
...  
And longing eyes, half veiled by foolish tears.  
Like bluest water, seen through mists of rain.  
Pale cheeks, whereon no kiss hath left its stain.  
Red under lip-drawn, in fear of love,  
and white throat, whiter than the breast of dove.”

Wasted days, Oscar Wilde

Loki strokes over the opened page tenderly, as if it was a living creature under his pale fingertips, when in reality it´s even more than that to him

The beauty and truth in this words, suck any air out of his lungs and leaves him aching for more.

 

But his eyes are no longer veiled, by any form of tears. He is seeing clearly now.   
The way he now looks at things, has gotten so sharp, that it´s cutting through his own skin from the inside, with every new, cold conclusion he makes about the world around him. 

These stories and poems, are one of the few things, that seem to be able to reach him anymore and even though these beautiful words leave him so often, with a burning pain in his chest they are the main string, that´s holding him in some moments. 

The moments when it all seemed too much to endure, he remembers the sweet tragedy of these verses and he always makes the decision, that at least he will have to live long enough to fine himself a worthy end.  
He reads the poem, by Oscar Wilde again and for a few seconds, it seems, as if the page would turn into a mirror, that shows him, the reflection of his younger self.  
He´s looking down at the others eyes, that are filled with fear and glistening with wetness. He pities and envies the person, which has gotten strange to him, at the same time, for the naivety that he has lost so long ago.   
The lips of the reflection, that are still having a rose shimmer on them, seem to open, to say something, but in that moment he quickly closes the book.

That´s it. That´s the proof that he finally needs a new fix. 

Time to get to work. He gives a deep sigh, like an old piece of furniture, while getting up.

Once more he strokes over the cover, like a promise of soon return before he walks to the door with elegant, soft steps, that show a slight tremble, if one only watches close enough.  
But Loki knows that the audience wouldn´t even notice. They´d be distracted by very different things…

Natasha crosses his way on the corridor and his face doesn´t exactly lights up, but it loses a bit of its deep darkness, which is most likely the best he can hope for, at an evening like this. 

As always she looks beautifully intimidating, yet caught, like a trapped cat, in her black lace corset, with small accents of leather, that´s hugging tightly around her elegant figure, with a red ribbon made of silk, wrapped around her waist, which sets a nice accent and takes up the colour of her lips again. 

“Hey, trickster.” Her fine lips part into a tired smile. “Ready?”  
“As ready as one can be, for this.” Loki says, with a bit of bittersweet irony and Natasha laughs lightly. He knows how much she hates it, when one acts overly happy; because everyone knows that this is not the right place for joy. It´s just inappropriate.  
But she always can find a bit of sympathy, for good, mocking irony. That´s what he knows as well. 

“Buck didn´t do his part…” Loki chooses his words with greater care now; Natasha is a one of the better people here, but without question one of the most dangerous as well. And it´s important to be even more careful around her, when it comes to people she actually seems to like. 

And it seems as if Bucky has gotten closer to her, than anyone else her ever could. It´s nice to have something like a friend here. 

A shame what have happened to him though…

“He has gotten worse…”  
“I think you´re aware, that he can´t allow himself to miss more. Thanos´s little patience is almost gone...”  
“I know very well, actually better than you.”  
Loki raises his hands lightly in defence, as a reaction to the sharp tone in her voice.   
“I´m only offering you to take a look at it again…see if I can do something for him.”  
Natasha chews on the inner side of her cheeks, while she´s thinking about the offer. 

“What´d you want for it this time?”  
“Just a bit of it. Don´t act as if you couldn´t get some easily…I need it.”  
They both look at each other for a while.  
“It´s not my problem, that he doesn´t give you anymore, after you´ve tricked him, idiot.”  
“But it occurs as if Barnes was your problem…so maybe we should think about an agreement.”  
She grits her teeth and mumbles something in russian under her breath. 

“You better focus on your part, as I remember you´ve got show time.” Her voice has gotten cold.   
“I will look at him as soon as I got back.” Loki can´t help a little smile, at the deal. This worked out well.  
“You´ll get your stuff afterwards…bastard.”  
Natasha looks darkly at him, crosses her arms and turns on her thin black heels.   
She doesn´t turn around again but Loki follows her with his eyes, as she walks across the corridor with long graceful steps. 

For a moment he imagines how it would be, if he would even try to build up a friendship with her…he wouldn´t eliminate the possibility that she could maybe actually like him once he stops acting like a dick. Would he even be able to be in a normal friendship anymore?

He highly doubts it.  
When he was younger he´d always like to have people close to him…he ended up on his own mostly though, but it´s the thought that counts. Those times are gone, the boy is no longer.  
Why can´t he simply understand that these times are over?

He sighs lightly, as he turns to open the door to the wardrobe. Thank god it´s empty, so he can change in peace and silence…yes these are the things he wants, before he gets out there in this disgusting room…it isn´t the interior that makes it so unbearable, (Hydra got a nice taste in design at least) but the kind of people the room was filled with. 

There´s barely any of the beauty and aesthetic in it, Loki´s dreaming about, while reading those magnificent poems, that seem to touch something in him, again and again…they´re painful in the sweetest and most delicate way.   
Their words are the way he wishes the world to be, so beautiful, pure, filthy, comforting, hurting, aching, soothing, loving and hating all at the same time, they tingle the deeply hidden bit of emotion out of its cover and even though he often shed tears over the cruelty of the stories, never once did they hurt him in such a disgusting way as real humans would be able to.

That´s the thing he hates so much about reality, there´s no purpose in it, nothing that would make up for the years of filth and disgust he´s been taken into.   
There´s no way of finding the same beauty, he does in the dramas he loves to read, when being stuck himself in the full misery and ache of the situation.  
Loki shakes his head to get rid of the thoughts. They don´t have a purpose either and won´t get him to achieve anything tonight. They´re a luxury he can´t afford right now.

He slips into the black leather corset. Wearing it so often, has made the fabric softer and the way it hugs tightly around his figure, has something strangely comforting, the material feels like a second, stronger skin. Something that is protecting him.

The wrapper, in which he´s selling himself to people he hates, shouldn´t evoke homely feelings in him. It just reminds him, how deep he´s actually gotten into the whole thing.

Another stroke over his hair, to make it fall in just the right way, a bit of colour that would conceal the dark shadows under his eyes and a bit of balm that would cover his pale, sprung open lips and make them look lively and most important attractive again.  
He sighs while walking towards the door again, drawing in some deep breaths to prepare himself.   
Almost he falls back into his thoughts again but just in time, he realizes it and pulls himself out.  
There´s just no use in thinking about it, twisting his thoughts, studying and loathing the anatomy of the feelings he can´t change no matter how hard he tries…

He straightens his back again, when he opens the door and walks towards the louder getting music.


End file.
